


Not Yet

by thatfamoushappyending (betsytheoven)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 13:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4830698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betsytheoven/pseuds/thatfamoushappyending
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you want to know the worst part? Some part of me, didn’t want him to get into Harvard."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks to Alyssa and Fer for listening to my pain about Lardo and checking this over for me!

There are moments when you realize that nothing will be the same.

Weddings, funerals, moving days, major birthdays. Graduations.

Time can lull you into a false sense of security. It can make you think that no time is passing, when really days, weeks, months are passing you by, like trees on the side of the highway.

Eventually Time catches up to us all, often hitting us at odd moments. Moments of joy can quickly drop into moments of sheer panic. Like strolling through a park with ice cream, only to suddenly hit a wall.

A wall like Harvard.

More than anything, Lardo wanted Shitty to be happy.

Really, she did.

Only... she wanted to be him happy with her. She knew graduation was looming on the horizon, but it was so easy to ignore Time in favor of late night skinny dipping in the Lake, and quiet mornings in the studio with the occasional paint brush chucked at her head, and loud raucous Haus parties where Shitty almost seemed to orbit around her-- sometimes very close, but other times just in her peripheral vision, just close enough that if she looked for him, he would be there.

But then he got into Harvard.

And it wasn’t Harvard, with all the types of people he had been avoiding while at Samwell, or even the distance from here to there. It was the sudden realization that Lardo had, in those brief moments as the boys were descending upon Shitty (and by proxy, her), that Shitty was already thousands of miles away.

She knew how graduate school worked, for the most part. A lot of her art friends had gone on to grad school for various majors and each had promised to keep in contact. They didn’t.

And while she knew that Shitty and her were bros, she didn’t think bros quite added up to long drives, and late night Skype calls, and calls at three in the morning after a nightmare. It’s different, when you’re in school together. It’s like an equal playing ground. Once you leave, it’s like suddenly you’ve been catapulted into an entirely different universe. One of adults, and much more focus on jobs and finding yourself as a person and... and Lardo wasn’t sure there was a place for her in Shitty’s life as a law student.

All at once thankful for her size, she ducked down and dodged Ransom’s elbow to make a break for the back door. She was careful not to run, or her shoes would make too much noise and call attention to her escape. Just a few more steps, don’t breakdown yet, just a few more steps. Just a few...

Tears were falling before she could slip out the back door and all she could think was, Please don’t let Shitty have noticed. I can’t ruin this for him. Please please please.

She found herself on the brick ledge outside the building, not really concerned about her dress, because she had three others for wearing to art shows. All black, to maintain her angsty aesthetic with her art friends.

The thing was, Lardo knew Shitty was going to try. He was going to try to keep up with everyone back at Samwell and Jack and school. There was no way in hell he wasn’t going to try to make it work. But the world doesn’t always cooperate, does it? She could already see how it was going to go:

Shitty was going to spend all summer chatting with everyone, as per usual. School would start and the texts would be a frequent stream of cursing and panic over the sheer amount of work. Then they would slowly start to pace themselves out. And by December? Maybe a text every two weeks, maybe. A quick, “heard the season is going well. Keep up the good work brah!” and then radio silence for a few more weeks. By the end of his first year at law school, well, they were just some old friends from undergrad. She would just be someone from his old school. It’s not like they were dating.

A hand landed lightly on her shoulder and she sucked in a breath. Shitshitshit

“Hey.”

It was only Bitty.

“Hey Bits.” Lardo smiled her face as quickly as possible, “What’s up? Did Jack start going on about his weird love of impressionism again?”

Bitty huffed softly, “No, not quite. I uhm... I saw you come out here after Shitty got the news.”

“Yeah, isn’t it great? He got into Harvard!”

God the forced enthusiasm sounded terribly flaky, even to her ears.

“... you don’t have to pretend to be happy about it to me, Lardo. Lord, me of all people...” Bitty’s voice was rarely this soft. It usually came late into the night or after getting off the phone with his parents, but never in conversation with her.

“Pretend? Bits, he got into the best law school in the country, how could I not be happy for him?” Lardo tried to pull on a smile, but if she even pulled it off, it wasn’t going to convince anyone.

The usual darkness of the night had been saturated with moonlight, enough so that Lardo could see Bitty’s lips pressed in a thin line and the hunch of his shoulders. “How could...”

She sighed.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m sad? ‘Cuz Bits,” her voice cracked and shit there were the tears again, “I’m fucking sad.”

And then Bitty’s arms were around her and this was normally why she kept these things inside. Bringing them to the surface means talking about them and tears and general bad things, but she just couldn’t keep it inside tonight.

“I was completely blindsided. Tonight was going so well.” She laughed with barely an air behind it, “It was hell this morning getting it all finished, but I figured, tonight would be worth it. All the stress getting the pieces together would be worth it.”

She took in a shaky breath, “And it was, don’t get me wrong. Watching Jack crawl through Jenny’s fixture was a memory I will take with me forever. But it was supposed to stay good. Why. Why can’t things just stay good.”

The soft, gentle pattern of Bitty rubbing her shoulder while keeping her head tucked underneath his chin was surprisingly soothing.

“I don’t know Lardo.”

Leaning further into Bitty’s frame, she squeezed her eyes shut, “Do you want to know the worst part?”

Bitty made a soft noise, so she pressed on before she lost the courage. “Some part of me, didn’t want him to get into Harvard. If he just didn’t get into Harvard, maybe he would stay at Samwell. Our law school is... good. Not Harvard, but not bad. I don’t think he even applied here, but there was some small hope in me... that he would still be here next year.”

After letting out a long breath, she opened her mouth to say something, just as Bitty spoke up.

“I don’t think that’s the worst thing to think.”

“I hoped that he didn’t get into his dream school!” Lardo sat up now, to look Bitty in the eyes, so he could see how terrible it was. He just nodded.

“And part of me hopes that Jack doesn’t sign with the Canadiens.” He said it softly, but Lardo felt a jolt of shock go through her. The Canadiens were Jack’s dream team.

“We’re pretty bad at this, aren’t we?”

The pair laughed softly, but it seemed too loud in the crisp night air.

Lardo was happy for Shitty. That wasn’t a lie she was telling while biting her lip, it was actually true. She was glad he got into Harvard-- she always knew he was a genius. It was just hard realizing that soon everyone else would know it. And then there would be no going back.

If there was one thing that scared her the most about graduation, it was that it was irreversible. You couldn’t ungraduate and go back to living in a creaking old reliable frat house with your teammates, your best friends. You couldn’t go back to late nights out in the Reading Room talking about nothing but everything all at once under the stars. You couldn’t go back to simply being in love with someone and not telling them because you saw them every day. It would never be as simple as not saying anything because why ruin a perfect thing? That perfect thing would be gone as soon as graduation struck.

“Hey Larissa, someone wants to buy your sculpture, get in here girl!”

Lardo sighed softly. Bitty pulled her a bit closer. “You don’t have to go.”

She shook her head, just rumpling Bitty’s nicely-pressed clothes.

“I do. I can’t let myself dwell on this.”

She wiggled out of Bitty’s grasp and stood up, fixing her hair and dress.

“Ok?” She asked, gesturing to her outfit, in hopes that she still looked semi-professional

Bitty stood up and straightened pulled her into a tight hug.

“We will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please come squeal at me about hockey nerds over at [my CP tumblr](betsytheoven.tumblr.com)


End file.
